I remember when I was pregnant with my first child, and then when I was pregnant with my twins. Advice was coming at me from all directions, most often unsolicited. During my first year of mommy-hood I was inundated with “do this, not that” insights that left my head spinning. Don’t co-sleep. Do co-sleep. Feed them carrots first. Feed them oatmeal first. Vaccinate. Don’t Vaccinate.
Seriously, I was so confused.
But, the advice channels have quieted, almost to radio silence, and I feel like I need them much more than I ever did back then. My sixth year of parenting (and fourth year of parenting twins) has been the most challenging, the most exhausting, and the most confusing. Where are all those people who wanted to tell me what I should do?
The thing is, I don’t want to hear the opinion of every doctor, supermarket shopper, friend or even family member. What I really want is the advice of someone who knows me, my children, my limitations, and my goals. Someone who will take the role of calling me out when I need that, and supporting me when I need that, too. I just want some help answering, “Where do I go from here?”
Sounds like I need a life coach, right? But I have another idea (who has $$ for a life coach?! I have 3 kids!!)
When I was an undergraduate, I had a mentor. I may have over-followed his advice without questioning, but I’ll
chalk that up to immaturity. When I was a graduate student, I looked up to an older graduate student with great admiration, and consulted her on nearly all my decisions. As a post graduate fellow, I arguably had the greatest mentor around. My husband has mentors at his work. So where’s my mentor now?
Help Wanted: Mom-Mentor (momentor)
Mother of three seeking help navigating parenthood’s rough seas. Responsibilities include: providing advice (especially related to school system dealings), parenting/self care balance, personal growth, childhood development, and stress relief. Must be experienced parent, (preferably with older children herself) willing to call mentee on her sh$t. Interest in holistic, mindful living strongly preferred. Experience with twins not required (the twin-support position has been filled). Compensation in the form of healthy desserts, reciprocal advice (if desired), and spa days. Please contact MomSeekingBalance if interested.
Couldn’t we all use a Momentor/Mentor? Someone to help us when we get to that point in decision making that we are either at a wall or spinning in circles? Someone to provide guidance as we move from one stage of parenting life (e.g. preschool–>school aged) to the next. Someone who has lived through these confusing days of raising little people into big people while actually maintaining a sense of self. Someone who can appreciate this stage of being an adult without feeling qualified to make the decisions adults have to make.
My parents, siblings, and in-laws are incredible people, but they aren’t quite unbiased in their opinions regarding my life. (how could they be?) My friends are extremely supportive, but they almost all have young children themselves. My husband is dreamy, but he isn’t a SAHM and he isn’t the default parent. I have my God. I have myself, my journal, and my insights. I am grateful for all of these, but I think it’s time to find a Momentor.
Anyone want to apply? (The healthy desserts really are that good…)